Here is the main cause of a fracture and how to avoid it

There is nothing worse for a couple than feeling like their relationship is going downhill. Especially if you are still in love or in love with your partner. But sometimes the breach seems inevitable. And to Looking closer, all your previous romantic relationships have followed the same pattern: a period of perfect honeymoon, then a return to reality … Bitter. And finally separation. A classic pattern that is still possible to avoid.

Honeymoon, frustrations and breakups: the infernal circle

Past “honeymoon” period right from the beginning of a romantic relationship where everything seems so rosy, so simple, so obvious that the couple’s reality can give you the effect of a slap in the face. If there is one thing that adventure has not shown us, it is the amount of effort we must put into building a couple life that suits everyone. All couples experience frustrations, regardless of their origin: feelings of loneliness for one of the two partners, mental stress, not being able to match your libido … There are as many points of tension as there are couples on the planet!

While when you started, no cloud had straightened the tip of its nose, suddenly you find yourself regularly discuss with your partner. Simple minor disagreements bring you into all your moods and remind you of your past relationships and their failures. Is this love story there on the way down too? Even if it means arguing all the time, then a breakup would not be a better solution?

In a column posted on MindBodyGreen’s website, sex therapist and relationship counselor Deborah J. Fox states: “Many people believe that the frustrations of a couple will never change and that it will be necessary to resign yourself. But with every argument, this resignation evaporates: you do not think you react. ” And that, according to her, is what creates conflicts that cannot be resolved.

Understand the cause of disputes to avoid a breakup

It is your turn, your relationship can be saved. What if, instead of running away from these unpleasant feelings, you fully embrace them and look for their origins? If there are so few arguments and frustrations over the beginning of the relationship, it is simply because the stakes are not that high. Over time, the relationship you have built together, the feelings you develop, and the influence you have on each other can make you feel threatened or teased. You can continue to react on the spot with words you later regret or escape from the situation, or you can step out of your comfort zone and question your reactions in favor of your relationship.

The specialist confirms: “Conflict is a possibility.” “We all face painful experiences and disappointments in our childhood, and they do not evaporate when we grow up.” However, these childhood wounds are usually the ones that make us react negatively in adulthood. The power of these past emotions can turn out to be massive fuel being thrown into the fire by your current frustrations. To turn it off, you will need to take a little walk through your memories to find its origins. Alone, with your partner or in couples therapy or alone, there are several options for you.

The more you deny yourself these negative feelings, the more you also deprive yourself of the positive ones. Allow yourself to feel your sorrows, your disappointments and dig into their origins. “Why do I feel so hurt? Why do I react so strongly to his remark?”, So many questions that will give you life-saving answers to you, as for your couple. So no, it’s not easy, but allowing yourself to cry, giving yourself time to understand yourself, that’s the key to future happiness. Emotions are there to be embraced, not repulsed.

In fact, while many couples go apart at this point in the relationship where the couple’s quarrels are multiplying and resembling each other, maybe it’s just the time to ask yourself the right questions to overcome these disagreements, heal your past wounds, and build the relationship you need. you had dreamed so much. It’s not necessarily going to be easy, but it’s definitely worth it.

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