American-style love: understanding all about dating codes

Find love in the United States. A study of the American man and the dating codes for the use of the lost European “Here is a survival guide to successful meetings in American countries, a book that is both informative and entertaining, with a touch of a second degree. The purpose of its author, Isabelle Driel:” help singles looking for a monogamous, serious and lasting relationship to achieve their goals For on this side of the Atlantic, love games leave nothing to chance.

The Frenchman, who has lived in Texas for thirteen years, suggests in his book the series of codes that govern romantic encounters. Despite an apparent closeness, these rules differ from French values ​​and traditions. A reality that Isabelle Driel experienced at her expense. I had a hundred first dates, the famous dates. Many did not go to the other, and I accumulated mistakes, difficulties, disappointments … Eight years of suffering and questions before I played the American game and met my husband! “.

His starting point? Many Europeans in the United States do not understand these codes, “And with good reason, the way to see love there is simply different“. His ambition? Relieve the pressure, offer time savings and practical solutions” before leaving the country, in the absence of shoes on their feet. »

Small space for spontaneity

Inspired by his history, this former professor of history and geography, with a degree in the sciences of antiquity, decides to investigate the matter. ” I read everything that was possible, I conducted interviews of singles as well as couples, I trusted surveys, then I thought it all “. In particular, she draws from there an encyclopedia for understand first where women lay their heart. Among the various terminologies described, friends with benefits (lovers friends), casual dating (informal butterfly as the author calls ” of enemy number 1 “), speaker (The conversation that defines the relationship after several weeks and serves as a starting point for one serious relationship (serious relationship as we understand it in France).

These notions of vocabulary in the preamble say much about the codification and chronology of the romantic relationship in the United States. According to Isabelle Driel, ” Getting into a relationship takes longer and goes through structured phases. The author compares the process “for a large number of interviews for senior positions “. And to clarify: the American does his shopping and generally takes the ‘serious relationship’ between several months and two years ”.

Consequences: some room for spontaneity, naturalness or improvisation. As for heartache, they are more frequent if you do not master this system. ” In France we are in a couple or we are not. Here, after a meeting, it goes slowly and there is a whole phase of exploration where you can have several partners at the same time. This accumulation is one of the most confusing differences.

The pressure of marriage

Isabelle Driel also analyzes other inequalities. Relationships with, for example, religion or gender, which, depending on the locality, turn out to be less liberated. ” According to the states, a woman who sleeps the first night may lose her value and her potential as a woman to get married. We want to have fun with it. In Texas, the man does not like a woman who walks fast. He prefers to be responsible for the development of the relationship … she adds. In the same way, she explains how marriage puts pressure and can affect the relationship. ” HAVEAfter two or three years, the formalization hovers over your head. It is marriage or nothing when in France there is no obligation. »

Eventually, to guide the Europeans in this relentless jungle, she determines several categories of “males” according to recurring patterns. The idea: to know how to spot the red flags (ladies, run away) and the green flags (come on, let’s try). ” I’m aware that we can not group millions of people under labels, that there are geographical or demographic exceptions, but it does allow us to offer benchmarks. Recognizing who we are dealing with. That would have been very helpful to me! “.

In this categorization, we find Austin, the player-seducer who collects trysts. Andrew, blowing hot and cold. Harry, looking for a mom or a housekeeper instead of a lover. John, too overwhelmed in spite of his qualities. Jack and his emotional baggage that takes time. Or even rebels like ” the rebels of dating ”.

couple sitting on wooden bench

Dating as a tourist exploration tool

After eight years of failures, Isabelle Driel has decided not to sit on the sidelines. His advice: take advantage of the system because it is the dominant model and it will not change “. She also points out that even Americans have a hard time. The solution is to focus on the benefits, such as effective time management (” which allows you to have dozens of dates over the course of a weekend “), the chances of success multiplied, the fact of avoiding obsessions, getting carried away too quickly and” enjoy freshly paid restaurantsés because we are usually invited “.

A few conditions, on the other hand, to not suffer from it: control your emotions from the start, protect yourself (“ until speaker did not take place, we do not get carried away! »). And do not feel guilty (” it is not our fault if a relationship fails, sometimes we are just a comparison tool “).

Today, as a 40-year-old, Isabelle Driel says she is happily in love. After ten years in Houston, she moved three years ago to accompany her husband to Comstock, a small town of ranchers on the Mexican border. He proposed to her on her knees two years after their first kiss. When the first French school was five hours away, she had to reinvent her life. Literary translations, macro business, book on dating … Her dream now? Start with a humorous cartoon and share its message with as many people as possible: ” turns dating into a tourist exploration tool !

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