3 good reasons to stop being afraid of the age difference

Alone 8 to 10% of par they have an 10 years age difference or more reports INSEE data. While customs and social diversity have evolved significantly over the last 30 years, a large majority of couples continue to be formed according to the principles of “endogamy and social and cultural homogamy”.

In other words, we tend to choose a partner from the same social group, roughly the same age. However, there are famous fashion examples of couples who have succeeded despite the age difference. We think, for example Vincent Cassel and his wife Tina Kunakey. Married since 2018, the young 22-year-old model and the 53-year-old actor are 31 years apart, but spin the perfect love and are the happy parents of a little Amazon, born in April 2019.

Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglasmarried since 2000, lived a long-term marriage in Hollywood and has two children despite their 25-year age difference.

“However, we know that the psychological tendency to compliance to match one standard is a factor that remains particularly strong, both at the individual level when in the formation of one couple“, explain to us Sebastien GarneroDr in psychology, clinical psychologist, sexologist, psychotherapist and teacher at the University of Paris.

And with good reason, the differences – and in particular the age difference – are often the subject of prejudicesof reviews and judgments. What’s wrong with the age difference? Is the criticism justified? Are these couples constantly doomed to fail? Lighting with our expert.

We are talking here about the age difference in a couple when the two partners are at least 10 years apart. On a purely psychological level, in the eyes of others, it is partly related to what disturbs the most in couples who have a fairly marked age difference. oedipal and incestuous fantasies which they refer to more or less unconsciously, ”explains Sébastien Garnero.

The main criticisms of the entourage will then be related to the aspect financial where the mental problem associated with it so-called search for a mother, of a fatherthe fear of getting older …

“But for most couples with an age difference, it’s more of a romantic encounter between two personalities, two sensitivities that complement each other and live their love story in the same way as the others”, Assures our psychologist.

In other words, we would all be looking for a father or a mother unconsciously when you stay in a couple, whether there is an age difference or not.

Couples: 3 benefits that the age difference can have

Brigitte and Emmanuel Macron, Charlène Wittstock and Prince Albert of Monaco, Amal and George Clooney … What do all these couples have in common? Age difference. “It shows thatwe can perfectly reconcile age difference and love”, Interpreter Sébastien Garnero.

But in this case, why is a simple number so scary? “The main problem is others, assures our psychologist. that the appearance of others and the prejudices that come with it ”.

Admittedly, other difficulties may be encountered, such as inconsistencies due to asynchronous life projects, desire for desire, libido that does not always fall within the same time frame, a “generation gap” can also be extended, but what we talk less about are many benefits, such as the age difference represents for a couple.

“In terms of libido, the age difference is even a good stimulant”

Provided the relationship is based on a mutual attractiona healthy relationship, of trust, and if the two beings are fulfilled, the age difference does not matter.

“In terms of libido, the age difference is even a good stimulus for both partners, especially in the beginning of the relationship,” explains Sébastien Garnero. This will tend to give the couple energy: for the man, if he is older by some form of awakening of impulses, for the woman by the desire to surpass herself in order to satisfy her younger partner. As for younger partners, they will often feel more secure with a more experienced partner, and will therefore be less exposed to anxiety or performance stress ”.

Dr. Sylvain Mimoun, gynecologist, also insures The health magazine that the age difference in a couple can be a “stimulant for both partners”. “It will arouse urges in the older man when he could have fallen asleep in a couple with a partner the same age as him. Likewise, the older woman will do anything to satisfy her young lover,” he confides to the magazine.

In a relationship characterized by the age difference, there is also a certain complementarity which we do not find in a couple where the two partners are the same age. The age difference is often conducive to closer relationships. reassuringmore stable, with sharing experiences more diverse.

We also have the impression of being listened to and understood more by the other. “That announcement is often more rich in fact ”, confirms our expert.

One shrinks advice on getting your relationship to last despite the age difference

“If you have a big age difference with your partner, the main advice is to prioritize andkeep the couple in love and the flame. A satisfying couple can only be formed between two independent and independent adults. Do not hesitate to do joint projects, to realize your dreams “, recommends Sébastien Garnero.

“Do not worry about what other people think”

“A harmony in the couple, intimacy and active sexuality will also help you preserve the flame ”.

Put words to your feelings and do you speak : whether it’s about your desires, your doubts, a possible desire for a child or marriage … Stay authentic, sincere and true to yourself.

Hold leisure, excursions, weekends and holiday for two to enjoy each other as much as possible. But do not forget to make time for yourself. It is also important that rejuvenate individually if one wants to feel good in his couple, whether there is an age difference or not.

There are couples who manage to build over time, despite the age difference. “My husband is charming, funny, super active, smart … I love him! His age I really do not care. It makes us laugh, more than anything else. He has a daughter who has my age and we are very good friends.We are the archetype of the mixed family, especially witnesses DoctissimoMelanie, 28 years old. Married for two years to Gérard, 54 years old, she has an 18 month old little boy with her husband and is having a great time with her daughter who is the same age as her. According to the young woman, she represents “the archetype of the mixed family”.

“Above all, do not worry about what other people look like, stereotypes and social norms,” ​​says Sébastien Garnero. Promote short-, medium- and long-term projects and dreams. And focus on your tenderness and emotional sharing. “

“When the couple consists of two independent adults is based on criteria
the following: mutual attraction, personality, relational quality, loving attachment, harmony, fulfillment, intimacy … common to
most couples the age difference does not matter“, the sexologist specifies. However, he notes that the systematic attraction towards a person who has a large age difference can cause a psychological disorder.” For those people who would only be attracted to partners, either much older or systematically younger, are this is most of the time a psychological problem, ”warns Sébastien Garnero.

Couples: a study has identified the ideal age difference

A study conducted by scientists from Emory University (Georgia, USA) has shown that there would be an ideal age difference in pairs. Be careful, but the results must be taken with caution. The tests were performed on only 3,000 married people.

The ideal interval: 12 months

A relationship where there is a big age difference would, according to US researchers, be more conducive to divorce. According to the study, when the partners have a difference of five years, the risk of breakage (compared to a couple of equal age) will increase to 18%. This percentage would increase to 39% for a difference of ten years and increase to 95% for those who are twenty years apart.

On the other hand, the risk of divorce would be reduced to 3% when the difference between two people isone year.

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