“I regret every time, but I can not help starting again”

Rear view of young woman looking towards illuminated city skyline in central business district

Rear view of young woman looking towards illuminated city skyline in central business district

In March 2019, the profile of the typical unfaithful woman was shared by a specialized dating site: 37 years on average, senior director, city dweller, married for more than five years and mother of two children. Various surveys also tend to show that more and more women are turning to infidelity (they were 31% to declare having been unfaithful already in 2014, they were 33% in 2016). Who are these women? What are their motives? How do they organize their lives? These will be the questions we wanted to ask some of them.

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Ella is 36 years old and works in the restaurant industry. She has been in a relationship for more than 10 years with Manuel. She loves her couple, but infidelity still forces her: “I have nothing to say about my mate. Sexually, we are completely compatible. We love at least once a week, and I manage to cum most of the time. I want to have him and I’m in love. Really, I could not have asked for better than him and the relationship we have. But I’m unfaithful. I regret every time, but I can not help but do it again. It is mainly with passing customers flirting with me when I come to serve them or redeem them.They give me offers and I can not say no.I do not force myself, I do not and it makes me feel attractive. But I know it. it does not help and I can lose my love if he ever finds out. I scare myself sometimes. “

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Ella explains her stories through bad habits gathered in her workplace: “It’s physically and mentally exhausting work. I think I’ve developed ways to survive it that are not good for me. I do not smoke than at work, f .ex And there are these stories of infidelity in the moments when I’m done with the latest and where I can no longer think clearly.I’m not saying it’s not my fault, but it’s clearly something I do not would do if I had a more traditional job. It’s bad survival habits. I relieve my fatigue and excitement at the service in these moments. And then I go home with guilt. “

A bad influence

For Ella, this bad habit comes from the behavior of her male colleagues: “I have always seen my male colleagues do this. Also those who are married and have children. When they have the opportunity to spend a few minutes with a beautiful girl after work, they go.It’s a bit like working in the middle of the night with our staggered hours.The people we meet are a bit intoxicated, want freedom, have something to party.It’s the best cocktail for moments you will later regret.It I have reproduced. And I can not manage to put enough distance to the customers so that some do not try an approach. When I do not, I really do not want anything to happen, I shut myself in and I do not smile at all “Clients are annoying back. I started in therapy to try to get out of this. Hope it works out.”

sex addict

Ella does not want this situation to continue: “Even though I tell myself that I’m getting old and that I’m therefore not the person customers flirt with the most, I need to feel active in this process to get it. better. My companion does not. It does not deserve this. I do not deserve this. I decided to react as if I were an alcoholic or addicted to something. I am a little addicted to sex in this situation. I see a shrink regularly, so I no longer have the bad reflexes of saying yes when I know I do not really want to, deep inside me, a bad movement in the bathroom or in an apartment that I do not know.I never say to myself that it’s the fault of the customers.They want, they try.But I’m angry at my bosses because they do not really ask us how we are doing.I know colleagues who drink, others who take drugs to keep, others , lying with someone.It’s not normal to let people ruin themselves for their balls ts. It is not normal to ruin oneself for one’s work. So I take myself in assuming that and start working on myself to get better. I will not feel guilty anymore. As a last resort, if I have to change jobs to stop doing shit, I can do it. It is less my companion than myself that I want to protect. I’m thinking of him, of course. But it’s also me who’s hurting.

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