Top 18 Reasons to Never Send Your Child to Summer Camp, EVER

1. He wants to learn community life

No but oh, are we in a 70s hippie club or what ?? Learn social life, and why not teach him sharing and equality between men while we are on the go ?? I tell you, in this world you are never better served than yourself, so you might as well raise selfish and disrespectful children who will climb the ladder by crushing the others. That’s how we move society forward.

2. He comes back with lice

You will not be able to escape it, he will share his bed, his cap and his swimming cap with half of the camp. And you know you will be there too when he comes back. At the beginning of the school year, your child will be the pariah of the school and no one will invite him to birthday parties. Honestly, all that for a week’s camp, is it really worth it?

3. He will live his first love experiences

It starts with an embarrassing slow, and it ends with ken barback under a tent at. 03.00. We know them the jokers. If you want to keep your child to yourself for the rest of your life and especially not have grandchildren until you have finished repaying the loan on your house, you know what to do.

4. He goes to bed super late every night.

Everyone knows that in the summer camp the evening lasts at least until one o’clock in the morning, and then the children have pillow fights and tell horror stories until no time. Hi fatigue after you talk about vacation! It will be better with grandpa and grandma to go to bed at. 18.30 your child.

5. He will get warts

As with head lice, there are stages your child must go through if it goes to summer camp. That with liquid nitrogen to get rid of warts is one.

6. He’s going to lose half of his clothes

There’s a Peruvian animator proverb from the 1930s that says “Suitcase nickel on arrival, return with less than half. We can not be more explicit: your child will show up with shorts that are too big for him, which in fact will be Mathéos, he will have lost seven out of eight underpants, and his favorite white fleece will have turned pink due to poorly done laundry.Believe me, you will not spend two months on Vinted to redo your wardrobe.

7. He wants to play a lot of new games with you.

If he offers you a sardine, say yes and let him hide without ever looking for it. Otherwise you have enough for the day.

8. He will waste his pocket money on such shitty memories.

Give yourself a cheap deodorant and instant coffee because he could not find anything better with the 10 € he had left (when he used the other 40 € to buy a backpack for the picture of Mickey in the Halloween outfit). And yes, now you understand your mistake.

9. He will never come home

Not that it bothers you that much, but hey, you still need him to be able to touch CAF.

10. He may realize he has shitty parents.

By rubbing shoulders with animators who let him eat candy in calm weather and who make him believe that life is kayaking all day, your child will inevitably realize the pain he is experiencing on a daily basis. . Expect to be held accountable when he returns. I hope your argument is solid …

11. He will send you rotten letters to tell you that he loves you.

Letters filled with bugs that you will have to put on your fridge to show him that you have received them and that they have not ended up burning in the fireplace. Great, now your kitchen will never be able to consist of art and decoration because of your ugly fridge.

12. He wants to use your phone all the time to contact his new friends.

Excuse me, Timéo, but is it you who pays for the package of 50 gigabytes, unlimited SMS and MMS calls every month? You’re going to send them an ugly postcard like everyone else before you forget they exist, that’s all.

13. He will harass you for riding / surfing / quad biking

And believe me, your salary does not allow it, especially since this camp will already have cost you a ball and the mortgage for your T3. At the border, send him to camp so he can have fun with pieces of wood. But honestly, you complicate your life a bit in our opinion.

14. He must learn songs that are all better than the next.

And the worst of it all is that he will make a show out of it for you that he will rehearse every year with his cousins ​​in front of the whole family for Christmas. Only to kill the inventor of “Happy Tyrolean”.

15. He wants to come back every year.

And you still do not have the money for it. Never send him there, otherwise you just have to start looking for a new job with a good CCE. We warned you.

16. He will be disappointed to see that it has nothing to do with Our Happy Days

And yes, spoiler: there is often no funny Quebec host, and it’s rare to see a Charentaise museum. Imagine his little sad look when he knows it …

17. He will trust 17-year-olds

Which is only there to get caught and put the whipped cream in your face while they’s a little full in the 5’s. Believe us, you clearly do not want these people to become an example to your offspring.

18. He wants to be an animator when he grows up.

Understand that your child will thus have the ambition to be paid 1/10 of the hourly wage, to experience unemployment with Pôle emploi and the lack of recognition. And that he will spend his life inventing treasure hunts and painting ugly coats of arms to reward failed children’s drawings. That’s what you want for his future, huh ??? Say it right away if you do not like it!

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