There is one piece of information that the children apparently pass on to each other: the parents were originally made by IKEA. And despite their human appearance (the same as them, what, note that it does not shock them to make us endure what they would never tolerate from us), the parents are actually made of wood, leather or electronic components. The proof in 10 points.
1. A coffee table to lean on
So yeah, of course one day, in a moment of confusion, moved to see our unusually clever and sweet offspring, we had to say something bullshit like “You can always lean on me my darling”, ok we confess everything! But strangely enough, we had not imagined that the said treasure would take us at its word, with its well-protruding elbows planted in the most sensitive areas of our anatomy, OKLM.
2. A very soft armchair
It’s an incomprehensible Pavlovian reflex, all you have to do is squat for two seconds to tie the shoelace and your presto again! now the boy has seen an invitation to come and sit on you. Blame it on this ritual, which you set up in the evening, at the foot of the bed when your child cuddles up in his favorite human chair to listen to his story. It goes without saying that it is the chair that is stuck in the story, and that it struggles to suppress its yawns after the 14th re-reading …
3. A sofa
It is the same as the armchair, but with several children squatting with your legs. The biggest difficulty for the sofa parent is getting to read the story despite the two big heads full of hair constantly coming between him and the book. And it is in this break that the first prize sofas are engulfed, these parents who do not hesitate to skip lines, straight sides over. But see you (in real life: well done). And your kids will soon no longer be fooled (unless you manage to serve them the exact same abbreviated version every time).
4. A medicine cabinet
Tissue, dolipran, bandages, arnica, physerum, compresses … You always have everything on you. And everyone knows it. And find it normal. You would take a stethoscope out of your dercher that it would not shock anyone. Not even you.
5. A portico
It is with the greatest naturalness that your children have fun passing again and again under this portal as you shape yourself despite having your two legs. You have nothing to envy the Arc de Triomphe except its notoriety. On the other hand, you sometimes wonder what Freud would think of your child asking you to spread your legs to pass …
6. A vending machine
Sweets, cakes, apple juice, paper napkins, fresh fruit … The only difference with the machines found in the subway or at the station is that it is free with you.
7. And swing
Special mention to the children who pick you up when you wake up, when you have no strength in your arms, but who still cling to you to initiate the inevitable rocking motion. Well it’s funny, we do not say the opposite. But we do not really like the little “crack” we just heard …
8. And rocking horse
So one day, when you were on the verge, you had the misfortune, in an abundance of quite unusual parental jubilation, to bring out the big game: the sound of galloping and then the whimpering of the horse when it stops, you as you breeds up while the little jockey who serves as your child shakes your back while suffocating you. Meanwhile, another little joker plays the role of the barrier that stops every 5 seconds, forcing you to lean over to give him a kiss (we hope this kid does not end up as a ferryman or SNCF controller). This wonderfully sweet and funny scene would remain like this if you were not now doomed to repeat it over and over again, making you regret your excessive zeal. Next time, you will leave this kind of game to Tonton Tommy.
9. An activity mat
This is the seriously uncool version of the coffee table. With an interactive part, which we honestly would have dispensed with: and which it grinds here, that it asks if it hurts when you click here (in your opinion?), Drools on you in unlikely places … But exhausted , that you are, you tell yourself that it’s still an occupation like everyone else, and that it’s still something that this child does not break up in another corner of the apartment.
10. A row of hooks
Your great added value is your mobility compared to vulgar wall hooks. You are not just a passive coat of arms waiting to be needed. Oooh no. It’s you who comes out of school to pick up all the layers of clothing that your Tasmanian devils leave behind, like modern little thumbs. Sometimes you think of taking revenge by reselling all of this on the internet. And then, about 4 seconds later, you remember that it will get you in trouble the next morning when it’s time to get them dressed for school …
So yes, when you become a parent, you get access to this strange status of furniture, but in the case of a professional retraining, any new skill on the resume is good to take. So tell us, do you feel more like a chair, coat rack or activity mat?