how to recognize it, get rid of it?

We can all be confronted with it one day: The psychic (or psychological) vampire drains us of all our energy, without recognition, reports everything to him and lacks empathy. The relationship is one-sided. How to recognize it and react? Solutions with Virginie Bapt, psychotherapist.

It can be a friend, a colleague, a boss, a spouse, a relative … The psychic vampire sucks in and pumps out everyone else’s physical and emotional energywithout showing any gratitude. HAVE always asking others without giving anything in return, it becomes exhausting, even toxic. How do you explain your behavior? What is the signs to recognize it ? The different types of vampires? How react to a psychic vampire and no longer let you empty ? Decryption with Virginie Bapt, psychotherapist.

Definition: what is a psychic vampire?

A psychic vampire – also called a psychological, emotional or energetic vampire – is “-one person who gives the impression of leaving us “soaked“(literally: who has lost a lot of blood), immediately defines Virginie Bapt. This is a type of psychological profile who fails to meet his needs, his feelings, or his energy on his own. He is therefore obliged to trust people from outside, from his environment“. The person in the grip of a psychic vampire, on the other hand, swings constantly between the desire to help him and the desire to run from him because she feels anxiety at his touch and a feeling of being left “empty”. She feels drained of her emotions and her energy, feel guilt and did notbut the recognition it deserves. There is no reciprocity in a relationship with a psychic vampire.

The psychic vampire does not intend to harm. He is not a person who wants to do harm, but who will, through his behavior do it well. From his personal history, his ailments and his pains, he has a way of functioning that makes him completely dependent on his environment. He therefore finds it difficult to understand that the other also has his own needs. The psychic vampire usually goes to very empathetic people which can easily become overwhelmed and vampirized“, explains Virginie Bapt. For the psychiatrist Gérard Lopez, author of the book”Everyday vampirism (L’Esprit du temps, 2001), we would not be born as vampires, but it would come with education.

The Psychic Vampire goes to very empathetic people who can easily get overwhelmed and vampirized

The childhood period could therefore favor the disposition to become a psychic vampire. According to him, psychic vampires themselves became vampirized as children : “they would reproduce narcissistic abuse right of way […] they were confronted with from birth“. And”when these people were confronted with attachment problems in childhood, they do not know how to set boundaries and are afraid of being abandoned. They are people who do not care about others. because they can not afford. The little energy they have, they are already using for their own survival.“, concludes Virginie Bapt. Note that vampirism can be a character temporary and episodicthus being visible for a period of time and disappearing naturally.

Overall, the psychic vampire has a behavior characterized by:

  • Permanent dissatisfaction (what he asks others for is never enough)
  • Tends to blame his “victim”
  • An impossibility to show recognition
  • A feeling of never disturbing and always being welcome
  • A severe lack of empathy

The psychic vampire can be anyone:it could be a grieving friend who suddenly can not live without you, one elderly and dependent mother, by an office colleague who can not make a decision without you, by a partner who needs advice all the time, or who feels bad when you are not there. On the contrary, it can be someone who impresses youwhich you find quite ingenious and charismatic, and in front of which you are flattered to know that he has chosen you as his supportLists our conversation partner as examples.

What are the different types of psychic vampires?

A type of psychic vampire Technique / behavior
Narcissistic vampire
  • High respect for oneself and one’s rights
  • Distance if he is dissatisfied or if he does not get what he wants
  • Hard to feel unconditional love
vampire victim
  • Seeing the world through its own distress
  • Big trouble taking a step back
  • Tendency to paranoia and to believe that everyone is against him or even responsible for his misfortune
  • Tendency to constantly complain and reject proposed solutions
vampire controller
  • Constant need to control everything
  • Tendency to manipulation
  • Tendency to demean or deny the feelings of others in order to demean or dominate them
Talking vampire
  • Tendency to report everything to him or to monopolize the discussion
  • Tendency to talk very close to the other person, to the point of invading their living space and physical barriers
Dramatic vampire
  • Tendency to stage, overplay and dramatize even small things
  • Exaggeration of everything and tendency to go into detail without thinking that he can disturb or monopolize attention

The psychic vampire can be a spouse, a life partner, and in this case, it seems difficult to detach from it. Of course, it is normal to be a support to your loved ones. “We can pick up the phone at 3am, we can sometimes get overwhelmed, but when we do, we always feel satisfied. We can reach very far in the gift of the self when it nourishes us. When, on the contrary, it empties us, it is a kind bottomless hole and it requires at least be aware of it. In a balanced relationship, the person being helped shows gratitude, affection, affection and thanks the other for being there. In the case of a psychic vampire is there no recognitionshe describes.

Psychic vampires give nothing because they always feel poor when they give.

The mechanism of the vampire is the same in the private sphere as in the professional sphere. The psychic vampire acts in a way gradually and insidiously. “It could be a boss who starts leaving messages for you late at night, then at night, then on weekends, during your vacations … Or even a colleague who talks to you for hours about her and when you go on change, talk about you, she loses interest, changes topic or brings the topic back to her“, describes the psychotherapist. With these people, do not expect returns, recognition or considerationneither in terms of affection, nor in terms of listening, or in terms of money, at risk of feeling constant frustration. “Psychic vampires give nothing because they always feel poor when they give.“, Emphasizes the psychotherapist.

What is the difference between a psychic vampire and a pervert?

The pervert and the vampire have one thing in common: both have a complete lack of empathy. But they have differences: The pervert has enough resources to fend for himself, unlike the vampire who has to drain the other’s energy because he can not find anyone alone. that pervert have an intention of power and control on the other without feeling remorse. The psychic vampire does not seek to manipulate.

What are the books about psychic vampires?

  • Psychic Vampires, by Dr. Stéphane Clerget
  • Stop Becoming a Vampire by Yannick Varée
  • The Emotional Vampires, by Albert J. Bernstein

Decode your emotions and ask yourself the right questions: what do you get out of the relationship? What does this person bring you? What is your interest in this relationship? Why are you getting caught up in this relationship? Can you trust this person? Is the relationship reciprocal? When did this person change? Was it different at the beginning of the relationship? … In the same way as for a drug, it is necessary to evaluate the relationship between benefits and risks and draw conclusions.

“When the person asks you for help, do not play the Savior”

Talk about : to acquaintances or friends in commonin general, a psychic vampire behaves relatively similarly to everyone“, or to a therapistif only two or three sessions to understand why we let ourselves get into this relationship and how we can get out of it“.

Set up barriers and refuse to enter his game: the risk of being in the grip of a psychic vampire is falling into a dramatic triangle (Karpman’s threesome) : a model that helps to understand how a dysfunctional relationship develops between two people. “The scheme is simple : the person needs me, so I want to help him (I want to be The Savior). The person will discover that it is never enough (I stay the victim) and after a whileI’m getting tired (so I will be the pursuer). This psychological game can only have an unfavorable result. Morality: When you discover this pattern, reject invitations to play. Specifically, when the person asks you for help, do not play the Savior. When she makes you feel guilty about not being there for her, do not make your sacrifice“, Advises our specialist.

► Set limits: Psychic vampires are often very talkative. So do not hesitate to reformulate them, to tell them that you do not have unlimited time to devote to them, or that you also want to tell them things. “This is also the problem with digital and especially with instant communication, which gives a lot of power to psychological vampires. One solution may therefore be to block them when they become unmanageable

► Teach the vampire “to do alone”: go in his direction when he complains, but do not give solutions or advice. We can also encourage him to consult. “It’s a way to put distance between him and you. You can tell him that you want to help him, but that you will not be able to do it without the help of a healthcare professional alongside“, Concludes our expert.

Thanks to Virginie Bapt, psychotherapist.

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