They are between 39 and 50 years old, and all three have suffered a trauma: marital rape. Faced with Faustine Bollaert, these women will address this still taboo subject in our society on Monday 13 June in “It starts today”, the program in the early afternoon on France 2.
Nadège, Hélène and Sophie lived through hell under their own roof. Their attacker was a part of their daily lives, their intimacy. They came to testify openly on a television to prevent and give courage to other victims to condemn these acts, which had long been ignored by the law.
‘Of all the rapes that are the subject of a procedure, in nine out of ten cases there are rapes within the family, ie those close to them. And of these in family rapes, in 47% of the cases it is the spouse, cohabitant, former spouse or former cohabitant, ”explains Marc Geiger, criminal lawyer.
“I was so scared of him I did not tell anyone”
Nadège, 39, met her former buddy at work. She was the manager of a brewery, he was a customer. One day he offered to do her a favor by repairing her car. She has accepted. He did not want to be paid. As a thank you, she offered him a dinner, then everything hung together. He showed her his true face the day she first introduced him to his family: “It went badly, it was very violent, he grabbed my hair, hit my head in the armrest of the chair and spat on me”. But she had already put her finger in gear: “I was caught in this very intense relationship, by this man who gradually began to exert more and more influence on me (…). I was so scared of him that I did not tell anyone.
“He is trying to isolate you from yourself, from others”
“Those kinds of people will find exactly what will seduce you and which will fill something. You should not confuse it with love, it is not love, it is the first stone of influence, ”emphasizes Natacha Espié, psychologist. After finding the error, “it begins to make you doubt (…), it tries to isolate you from yourself, also from others”, whether it be family, friends, work colleagues … “And so it will slip into more and more violent behavior (…) .Sexually he may start to tell you “You do not want me tonight, that means you do not love me”. The more you doubt yourself, the more he will be able to create this climate of terror that he will throw you into, ”the expert adds.
“I was forced to give him oral sex, sometimes more than twenty a day”
Nadège’s ex-husband will use pressure and the threat of love to satisfy his impulses: “He imposed on me sexual practices that were not mine and told me that I would end up making love or that he could go elsewhere”. Mental violence in addition to sexual and physical violence, and increasingly frequent reports without consent: “Rape is not just penetration. I was forced to give him oral sex, sometimes more than twenty a day, without notice, I cook, he pulls his pants down, takes my head and that’s it. He takes it, he uses it “every day, day and night, to the point of preventing him from sleeping. “Sometimes we say no, but he does not hear no, he does not understand”. Even when she is eight months pregnant, she continues to be beaten and raped. It was only after the birth of her daughter that after several attempts she managed to escape and then file a complaint. “For many people, rape is really the stranger on the street. I visualized it that way. So yes, he abused, he forced me, but I did not see it that way. A posteriori, she was able to put into words the ordeal she experienced Acknowledge it, understand it, accept it and talk about it.
“It starts today”, a program presented by Faustine Bollaert, Monday, June 13 from kl. 13:55 on France 2.