that candaulism leaves no one indifferent. This sexual practice fascinates some, amuses others, even leaves them directly skeptical, not to say reproachful. No matter what, she occupies an optional space at the front of the erotic scene – and has been for hundreds of years.
What is candaulism?
“Kandaulism consists in enjoy watching his partner make love with one or more other people“, Explains Céline Vendé, sexologist and couples therapist. The candidist can also feel joy at the simple idea that his or her spouse is being watched and coveted by others.
This exercise can be part of an erotic game and the participants do not have to be in the same room. “There are many ways to see the scene, without being physically present, explains the expert. For example: The couple can schedule an appointment with a third person that they are preparing together. Then one of the partners takes to the naughty date and tells in detail his jokes to the other on the way back. With the consent of all participants, candaulism can also be practiced through inserted screens, etc.
As a general rule, in the case of heteronormative couples (a man and a woman), “we observe it men are more prone to this practice than women, she says. Undoubtedly because of the prevailing patriarchal model: there is always an inconsistency in the level of sexual freedom that we are willing to lend to women. ” body.manly fantasy.
Exhibitionism, swinging and voyeurism, what are the differences?
Whoever says candaulism does not necessarily say swinging: “the kandaulistic person is not necessarily physically involved in the sexual relationship“, states the sex therapist. She does not have to participate in lovemaking to feel pleasure. But in the case of swinging, it is actually a matter of active exchange of partners within the framework of intimate relationships.
Candaulism is not synonymous with exhibitionism. It, or the candlestick are not thrilled to show their genitals in public. A single observer in a public place is enough to satisfy his pleasure. On the other hand, exhibitionism consists in showing oneself, while in the case of candaulism, it is the observing spouse who exhibits his partner.
Nor is it about voyeurism., because in the latter case, the viewer does not give consent. But in connection with candaulism, the two partners agree: One agrees to have full-fledged intercourse for his / her partner, who enjoys passively observing him / her.
Candaulism can be a good way to vary the sources of desire and sexual pleasure. But it is still necessary to become aware of its implications: all “participants” must be aware of the notions of jealousy and exclusivity. “This practice involves the idea of sharing, and therefore necessarily that of physical – and sometimes emotional – non-exclusivity,” emphasizes Céline Vendé. And to insist:
You do not practice candaulism overnight to spice up your relationship. It requires a lot of communication and consideration.
The biggest risk is that one of the partners gets won by jealousyor develops an addiction to this practice, which can lead to infidelity.
To know if you are really ready to get started, it is therefore important to talk openly about your desires and trust your warning signs. “Before we consider a physical meeting, we can already assess whether it teases us to see our partner in the seduction phase with another,” suggests Céline Vendé.
Note: with candaulism, it is not entirely a matter of infidelity, but rather of contractual infidelity, which does not question the couple or its monogamous character. In addition, a couple who practice candaulism however, did not close the door on other sexualities. This practice is not necessarily recurrent. She can be very punctual, like the icing on the cake.
Candaulism: how to practice it with good intelligence?
From fantasy to reality, there is only one step. Before you get started, establish a clear framework. Objective: correctly measure the implications of such a practice and the possible consequences for each person’s sensitivity, then define strict rules and a warning code to stop lovemaking if one of the partners suddenly feels fever / disagrees with what is happening.
This approach requires a lot of honesty and transparency. It should in no way be forced, but agreed by all partners in the original couple, to guarantee their balance. It is also necessary to establish a clear trust contract with the third party. If necessary, do not hesitate to make an appointment with a sex therapist to strengthen your relationship and continue to walk calmly and respect everyone’s wishes and needs.
Finally, and we must pay attention, “candaulism is reversible“. If one of the partners finally feels insecure about the pre-established trust contract, he should be able to tell the other about it.”Communication is the basis of all sexuality“, Concludes the expert.
To move forward, there is a French platform that brings together many supporters of this practice. There you will especially find opinions, advice and even announcements about couples looking for partners for an evening – or more.