What happens when you end a relationship with a narcissist?

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Having a romantic relationship with a narcissist can be difficult and the situation can become overwhelming, but it can also take its course when you end the relationship. Breaking up is always a hard time, but once you’ve been with someone who uses others and adores themselves, it can be even harder.

At first glance, narcissists may seem charming, affectionate, and charismatic, so it may be even harder to leave them.

Here’s what to expect if you break up with a narcissist.

The fracture can seem brutal and sudden

Narcissists are good at playing a role in getting what they want from you, according to Dr. Judith Orloff, a clinical psychiatrist at the University of California, Los Angeles. But when they are done using you, they have no problem throwing you away like a used handkerchief.

The person will not apologize or regret, and you may never hear from them again, no matter how long your relationship lasts. If this person comes back in your life, it will be because they have realized that they can get something else from you.

Be prepared to beg or negotiate

It can be very hard to leave because narcissists hate losing their victim so they let you go easily.

Prepare to give them another chance to see them “change”. They may suddenly start doing things they never wanted to do. They might say things like “you will be lost without me” or “you will never find someone like me”. But in reality, it’s just a trick to scare you and make you come back.

Do not make any contact

This means blocking their number, making sure all emails from their address get into your spam folder and deleting them from social media. It’s difficult, but mental health counselor Dr. Stephanie Sarkis explains in an article on Psychology Today that it is the best option because the narcissist will sooner or later find a way to return to you.

The narcissist knows exactly what to say to get you back. So you have to be brutal and fast. It may be best to break up text so they can no longer manipulate you.

If you have forgotten something about the narcissist, you better not look for it. Think of it as a very small price to pay for your mental health and well-being.

Remove all you have in common on social media

Sometimes it is better to start from scratch and interrupt all contact with the people you have in common, psychologists advise. This includes their friends and family from all social networks: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn …

The more people you have in common, the more opportunities the narcissist has to get back into your life somehow. He can also use his friends to try to make you jealous.

Remember why you turned up

When you break up with someone, some good memories may come back, causing confusing feelings of regret. These feelings are usually false and not representative of the relationship, psychiatrists warn.

You may remember a time when your partner sent you tons of messages every day and complimented you on an ongoing basis. Compliments are a very good thing when they are sincere. But when a narcissist uses them, it can be part of a technique called “love-bombing” where the person bombards you with love but has an ulterior motive.

To remember why you broke up, write down the reasons why you left. Has your partner often beaten you down? Has he offended you? Did he often make you feel like you were crazy?

They will “move on” quickly

Most narcissists do not need time to heal from a breakup because their feelings were probably not really sincere. It is not uncommon for a narcissist to already have a Plan B to replace you.

Accept grief as part of the healing process

Grief will be an important part of your healing, so accept it when it comes, advises Dr. Sarkis. After all, you have many reasons to grieve: the end of a relationship and the person you thought was your partner. They bombarded with love when he first met you and those feelings are still there and they are strong and intense.

But you had good reasons to leave, so keep in mind that many of these feelings were probably based on something wrong.

Focus on yourself and do things that make you happy

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More importantly, you need to focus on yourself, says Dr. Orloff. Spend this time trying out a new hobby or going out to meet new people. When you get out of a relationship with a narcissist, it can make you shy around new people.

But you are no longer in this relationship, it’s time to meet people who make you happy. You were pushed aside when you were with the narcissist because your needs were ignored. Now is the time to take care of yourself.

You will realize that relationships are not meant to be like that

When you are ready, you will meet another person. Dating is part of healing. However, do not expect to meet the right person right away.

Go out and have fun. Maybe you meet a great person, or maybe you make some good friends. Either way, these people will be a breath of fresh air.

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