Seduction coaches, some idea of ​​hell

Remy, in her early forties, open shirt, blonde clasp and clean shaven, has been a seduction coach in Paris for three years. “Makeovers, workshops street sessiononline consultations… ” As he details his workout, the scent of his cologne invades the lobby of the luxury hotel in Montmartre where we are. His clientele? “Engineers, nerds, guys ruined by a divorce or a breakup who are between 18 and 50 years old.”

There are a few dozen in France who practice this profession love coach, mostly in the capital. On the Internet, nicknames parade: “Mike, the flirtation from Paris”, “Wolf, expert in seduction”, “Logan seduction”, “Leo the philologine” (“Leo who loves women”, therefore). All offer coaching to more or less old men, “socially and romantically isolated”, according to Émilie Delétré, coach in seduction and personal development. Street flirting, sex advice, perfection of your virtual feather on dating apps: there is something for everyone.

The street as a hunting area

“In general, the coaches are very masculine. It is always: the man is the hunter, the woman is his prey. Everything that will be able to make the prey give in will be taught ”, comments Catherine Grangeard, psychoanalyst. To complete the hunting picture, nothing better than one street session where the participants become asphalt meters. The city then becomes the playground of these prams and the sidewalk the place of all possibilities, a space eroticized by the heels of passers-by clicking on the cobblestones.

But could street flirting be akin to harassment when the latter has been punished by law since 2018? “My clients have never approached a girl who calls her a dirty whore. It’s aggression.”defends Remy.

Xavier contacted this coach in February 2020 to get a workshop street session. After several years abroad, a breakup and a return to France, he remained single for more than a year and was unable to build a long-term relationship. He subscribed to a training course for 489 euros, which includes a lunch with Remy, where the latter explains to him his vision of gender relations, advice to gain self-confidence and accept the rejection of others, then five hours of street flirting. .

“In the beginning, I only asked for directions, addresses from passers-by. Then I had to approach them with small phrases like ‘I like your style’ and get numbers. ” A crucial technique? Not really. “I got about ten numbers, but many made mistakes, or my messages went unanswered. However, it taught me to gain confidence, and today I am fulfilled in my relationship.

“Women prefer assholes.
The asshole excites the woman’s alpha male radar. They like
dominant men.

Louis, coach in Paris

Same observation for Théo *, 19, member of Philogynes, a private group: “Today, when there is a girl I like, I go straight there. I do not ask myself more questions. I met some amazing people.” Personal follow-up is also offered to clients to help them see more clearly in their romantic relationship: “I analyze text message exchanges or I advise my student to help him resolve a dispute, for example”says Louis *, coach in Paris.

Aside from the approach techniques, how do you crack them all? Apparently we have to move away from the standard pattern “Bobby the good guy», The attentive gentleman offering flowers on a first date. Because, according to Louis, “Women prefer assholes. The asshole excites the alpha male radar [l’archétype de l’homme viril, ndlr] of the woman. They like dominant men. “

Alain Sorals and Neil Strauss’ books as Bibles

These seduction coaches have developed a philosophy of love in their own right. Their references: The gamethe American journalist Neil Strauss and Sociology of a flirt, by right-wing extremist essayist Alain Soral. Two popular psychology books written in the 2000s that have become bibles for these men looking for relationships. “It’s about how to seduce beautiful women, even if you are shy, awkward and uncomfortable”explains Alexis *, coach in seduction.

If Strauss’ book offers concrete methods of seduction – like it “push and pull”, “a manipulative approach to disturbing the other and making him dependent on the attention we give him and which we can withdraw at any time”, explains a reader – that of Soral is more theoretical. Sexist gold nuggets, commonalities and classification of women are frequent. Example: “The bitch: she is a useful diaper that makes a good offer, do not know how to give. Flirting is looking for bitches to rediscover the pleasure of punishing. The maid: she gives, she is mysterious and submissive. ”

“A coach who does not work with a shrink is not serious.”

Véronique Cordiola, the founder of the first French school of seduction

Behind these works was the same thought: that of the desirability of the differences between men and women. “Men who turn to coaches are looking for advice on how to seduce, how to approach the fairer sex. As for women, they prefer coaching dedicated to the long-term relationship rather than commitment.says Nesrine Devlove, coach for women for a year.

An opinion shared by Remy, which describes: “I think it was Freud who said, ‘After all these years, I still do not know what women want.’ [La citation du psychologue est en fait: “Après trente ans passés à étudier la psychologie féminine, je n’ai toujours pas trouvé de réponse à la grande question: que veulent-elles au juste?”, ndlr] Well me, I know. They want children and start a family. ” In short: men are from Mars and women from Venus.

Is seduction an exact science? In any case, there is no need for training to make it your business. Nesrine, who is trying to legitimize her activity, explains it“in France, the title of coach is not regulated”.

“Anyone can claim this title. I was still taking an education in NLP [programmation neurolinguistique: un ensemble de techniques fondées sur l’étude des comportements, ndlr]», she continues. But for Véronique Cordiola, the founder of the first French school for seduction and sex therapist, “a coach who does not work with a shrink is not serious”. She also clarifies that she herself, despite her experience, always working with a psychologist.

Sexist insults and advice not to be accused of rape

In the public forum for French Touch Seduction, the tendency is rather to regain its masculinity: “How does one feel good man, masculine, when one has not been surrounded by strong masculine presentations?”wonders especially FK, 38 years.

Every Tuesday, the 300 members of the very private Philogynes Club created by Léo – to participate, answer a detailed questionnaire and pay a subscription of 20 euros a month – are invited to go to Discord, a messaging platform combined, to discuss failures in love and dates.

The tips exchanged during these meetings range from simple advice to precautions to be taken in the event of a rape charge: “Never admit or admit that there may have been a rape. And above all, you must joke, joke, joke. Because if there is no evidence and it goes to court, it will happen by charisma and you will have to to be more convincing than a crying girl.says a member.

Insults and sexist comments are legion: “Did you order a suckling bitch, jerk bitch?”, we can especially read in response to the testimony of a man who wondered why a woman he had frequented did not want to continue the sexual relationship with him. Another example: to the question “From how many partners is a woman a slut?”answers a participant “By them”.

Catherine Grangeard explains this need to belong to a male group by saying that men talk less about their intimate lives among themselves than women. Moreover, where women would construct their femininity through women’s magazines, men would lack role models to identify with: “It’s not manly to talk about your heartache, to ask each other about sex things between guys, indicates the psychoanalyst. Women are trained to talk about the intimate because we were confined to our homes. The men went to the agora to talk politics, but it is not on the agora that we discuss cunnilingus.

The presumed market crisis

According to the coaches, the market for seduction is in crisis. In their eyes, a common enemy: feminism, which would be “went too far because it created an imbalance in gender relations”according to Mélanie Gourarier, sociologist and author of Alpha Male – Seduce women to value each other between men. Flirting was better before, Remy apologizes: “Ten years ago, on Place Saint-Michel in Paris, there were about thirty guys trying their luck with girls. Today, street cruising is damaged by feminism and social distancing.

The men participating in these discussions are also wondering about the consequences of #MeToo on the seduction. Rominoss, 25, a member of the French Touch Seduction and has since been banned from the forum, claimed that “To flirt, you must do dirty, you must not limit yourself, you must remove guilt, [que] the right ones flirt it[il connaît] they are real bastards ”.

Words that the group administrator has tempered: “People who are at least intelligent have realized that one does not have satisfactory encounters with techniques of manipulation and degradation, especially at a time when harassment is less and less tolerated.”

On online forums and in training courses offered by coaches, advice accumulates. Love does not wait and can be found around the corner. Unless the number given by the coveted young lady is wrong … In this case, the hunt continues.

* Names have been changed

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