is it normal to love without being jealous?

Jealousy is one feeling common to many romantic relationships. So much so that many people see her as a proof of love, a feeling that cements the couple even spice it up on a daily basis. But are we jealous because we love, or are we jealous for other reasons? What is jealousy? Jealousy: A painful feeling that arises from the demands of a restless love, desire for exclusive possession of the belovedthat fear of his infidelity “, Robert explains online. When reading this definition, it is therefore difficult to consider jealousy as a normal feeling of love that is likely to allow happiness as a couple.

“I think one should never see jealousy as a pepper in a couple! This is the beginning of toxic emotional relationships. In this type of relationship, we feel so much the more loved as the other suffers, and vice versa, the more the other suffers and is afraid of losing the loved one, the more this would be proof that we love! These are false beliefs. The spice must stick to the simple fact of playing. Jealousy perhaps, but if each of the main characters is well aware that it is only a game, ”explains Camille Rochet, psychologist and partner therapist, contacted by Medisite. Jealousy is not a game, or if it is, it is therefore no longer a matter of jealousy.

Where does this jealousy come from, which we so often encounter in love stories, and which we end up considering banal? Jealousy does not come from nothing, at least not love. “Jealousy occurs when there is a pathology or serious wounds of insecurity, abandonment and betrayal. It is a deep psychological wound that generates difficulty in interpreting life events. These injuries can originated from early childhood, sometimes trauma with our own parents, the repetition of patterns of betrayal. Or they come from a trauma that may have occurred later, in early adulthood, in their teensAnd sometimes during these first romantic relationships. It also reveals one very low self-esteem and the fear of being left to something better than oneself, ”explains the psychologist. Jealousy is then already installed in the person and expresses itself only more intensely in the love affair.

Jealousy due to suffering in the couple

Jealousy can also be caused by the behavior of the loved one which makes the spouse insecure. “In this case, the jealousy is caused by the actions of the spouse, which indicates a very real danger,” the specialist adds. Feeling of buried abandonment, justified doubt or betrayal past of the beloved, here are elements which may arouse jealousy, but which actually has nothing to do with love which we bring to a person.

Jealousy, the real one, not this seduction game that can actually arouse desire for the other, most often causes each of the main characters to suffer. “One has to worry about jealousy in a couple when it generates conflicts that seem insoluble. When the person sees his freedom hampered by this jealousy , Warns the psychologist. Increased monitoring of the other person’s mobile phone, diary, social relationships, social networks. But also incessant questions, dubious insinuations behind these questions and frequent crises and quarrels... Jealousy breeds these unpleasant, sad events and that hurt. “I do not recommend trivializing, but getting help from a professional. It is not jealousy that needs to be cured, however wounded at the origin of these concerns Explains the psychologist.

About jealousy reflects inner insecurity for those who feel it, it reflects love without being jealous, on the contrary “a strong inner security! This should be the case for any balanced couple! Love should not rhyme with jealousy ! The more we love, the more we should be able to trust, ”says Camille Rochet. And the reverse is also true, you can be jealous without making love. “Jealousy is not born of love, but of fear of abandonment and betrayal. So we can be jealous without loving because jealousy is born of possession and addiction. Gold, love must be born of freedom ! concludes our expert.

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