Going into therapy, the new fashionable criterion for those looking for love

(ETX Daily Up) – In love we all have our demands. Some would wish their partner had the same hobbies as them, while others would wish they had gone into therapy. This last criterion is especially popular on social networks, where many (young) women praise the virtues of good mental health as a couple.

Dating apps are all about criteria. Age, height, academic situation, astrological signs … And now the psychological follow-up. Many internet users declare on social networks that they want their partner to have seen a therapist before considering a potentially romantic relationship with him. “All men should be forced to go into therapy before dating anyone lol,” one said on Twitter.

This new amorous injunction especially finds an echo on TikTok, the social network of the younger generations. The hashtag #allmenneedtherapy (“all men need therapy”, in French) counts almost 6 million views. Internet users often use it in videos where they state the behaviors or remarks that repel them in a man. This dynamic is reminiscent of “red flags”, these red flags are used on Twitter to indicate a problematic situation.

While some TikTok users take the #allmenneedtherapy hashtag seriously, others do so for humorous purposes. Some of them stage themselves and whisper things over their spouse’s phone. But they do not whisper anything and everything: they simply repeat the word “therapy” several times. This surprising staging would aim to influence the targeted advertisements that their half will see appearing on the internet and to bring those related to mental health.

Men’s mental health still taboo

This craze around men’s (and not only) mental well-being goes beyond the boundaries of social networks to reach dating sites and applications. One of them, Hinge, announced in May the launch of a new feature that will allow users to talk more freely about their mental health with the elected representative (or the elected representatives) from their heart. They can now indicate, in their profile, how they would have completed sentences such as “My friends ask me for advice on …”, “One of my limits is …”, “My self-care routine consists of …” or even “My psychologist would say I’m …”

For Logan Ury, director of relationship science at Hinge, this new feature shows how much singles today value their mental well-being as well as their partner. “Talking about mental health has gone from an ‘oh no’ to a must-have in modern dating,” she said in a statement. “People have worked on themselves and want to be with someone who has done the same.”

Hinge has seen this with its users: 97% of them want to date someone who takes “active care” of their mental health. But only 9% are comfortable talking about their therapy on a first date.

If the dating app has not indicated what percentage of the men are behind these statistics, the chances are that it is not very significant. Many studies have shown that members of the male sex often neglect their mental health, especially if they are heterosexual. Gay and bisexual men tend to seek medical attention less if they have depression than gay and bisexual men, according to a 2016 study.

The onset of the Covid-19 pandemic has only exacerbated this phenomenon, especially among young men. So it’s no surprise that some singles want their potentially significant others to follow in their footsteps and see a psychologist. “Shortly after being in therapy for a long time, I have [réalisé qu’] I used to date men who had not really overcome their trauma or their past experiences. I often felt I had to carry the emotional weight of it, ”a 25-year-old Briton told The Face.

However, many people are aware that starting therapy is a very personal decision and that it is by no means a miracle solution. They do not hesitate to have fun on social networks. “Men would rather make a niche in a parking lot than go into therapy,” writing that is, a surfer on Twitter. Another one confirms that “men literally dress up as bats to fight criminals and villains at night instead of going into therapy,” referring to Batman.

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