“All the love we can give them”

T king-size beds with slats neatly arranged, lined with plush toys in soft colors. Labeled cabinets and drawers are already filled with clothes sorted by size. Above a richly filled library and, in a bag, still out of sight, the future first names of the boys who will be inflicted upon their arrival. Nearby, strollers, activity mats and coziness await only their residents. Nothing is missing. Even diapers and infant products fill an entire wall. “We have made a table to make sure we do not run out of stock … We are logistics professionals”, Kévin and Rémy smile. The bedroom wall even shows the color with its world map, a nod to the country where babies are born, Mexico, in October and November …

“Advanced mindset”

To become parents, the couple has actually turned to surrogacy (GPA) abroad. This practice is prohibited in France and is particularly permitted in certain US countries. An adventure that Kévin and Rémy could have kept familiar with, but which they chose to share “to promote mentalities”. “We understand that this topic can arouse fear, due to lack of information, due to fear of the unknown … We are not talking enough about GPA, even though we see things changing,” they slip.

Of course, the fear of judgment in relation to this challenging practice is to take and feel, ”but people are very understanding and benevolent towards us. They know that this desire for children is neither a whim nor a mistake. It is mature thought, thoughtful, obsessive for a long time “replaces the couple and evokes a logical continuation in their relationship,” the desire to transfer, love, protect, educate, make grow and discover the world for children. In short, the desire for a family life, like everyone else ”.

“The desire to transfer, love, protect”

Together for 16 years and married, Rémy and Kévin have already been preparing to become parents for three years. They did not choose adoption, even though they first thought about it, deterred by “consistent, lengthy administrative procedures” and the chances they consider “low.” It was against so-called “ethical” surrogacy that they then turned. “We have selected a country that respects the surrogate woman, which is essential for us. We wanted someone who has a stable personal and professional situation and who is committed to helping us achieve our dream, ”insists Rémy, who is not insensitive to the debate over the branding of the human body, which is regularly promoted by opponents of surrogacy. . “When you donate your blood or an organ, you give a part of yourself to save a life. Surrogacy is borrowing a part of oneself to create a life for a third person who cannot do it without this help ”. And what about the idea of ​​“snatching a child from its mother,” another argument sometimes advocated by anti-GPA? “This is fake and shocking,” replies Rémy, who remembers that the surrogate woman is not the child’s ancestor. “In an ‘ethical surrogacy process’, everyone is respected, listened to and supported. No woman is forced, Roannais insists. There is necessarily an economic attraction behind it, but they do it because they want to.” And to remember that these women are all necessarily already mothers and have a job. “We help a family by providing the equivalent of two and a half years’ salary, by ensuring all the medical expenses of pregnancies and also the medical security of their own children for several years “, adds the couple, who happily follow the long journey back. which he has just been through.

A path dotted with pitfalls. From the choice of country – they had first thought of Ukraine – to the choice of a person abroad who may not necessarily have good advice that goes through the concerns of fertilization and the economic costs … An important parameter in the approach, with prices, which can vary from simple to triple depending on the country. “It made us think, but the desire for a child is stronger than anything else.”

Craftsmen and not including their hours, Rémy and Kévin will invest at least 150,000 euros to become parents (75,000 euros per GPA process). They sold their house in Villerest to a loft in the city with enough bedrooms and have just acquired a van … Because it will not be one, but three children who will actually come to expand their home ( Read below ).

“Euphoria, fear and impatience”

A dizzying upheaval in perspective for these future parents gripped by “a mixture of euphoria, fear and impatience” as they reach their goals. “We ask so many questions. Having three babies will change our everyday lives. Isn’t it normal to have concerns, fears? A fear that allows them to ‘pay attention’ to the reality that awaits them,” they explain.

“Although there are no manuals to be parents, we have read all the books on parenting, seen all the tutorials from experts on large families. We know that we as gay parents will be judged even more, ”notes the couple, who are eager to leave and meet their babies.

The suitcases are almost packed, the Mexican apartment found for the necessary three months there. The upcoming nanny from Roanne is being recruited. “These children will have all the love we can give them, every second will be dedicated to them,” they conclude. The countdown has begun. Departure on September 9 for a family trip in mid-December.

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