make love last after 40 years together

To spend 40, 50 or 60 years together and love each other like on the first day… To meet this challenge requires constant application and determination. Here are tips from the pros to energize your life as a couple on a daily basis.

INTERVIEW: Soazig Castelnerac Created Save your love datetools to promote communication in the couple ; Marylise Richard is a clinical psychologist and therapist. Inspired by their professional and personal experiences and their podcast Au cœur du couple, the two authors explore practical and positive ways to breathe new energy into the couple.

Why is it not easy to prioritize your couple when you have a long life together?

Routine suffocates a couple when it no longer leaves room for novelty, and everyday life is nothing more than a series of automations, such as eating without a conversation, falling asleep without a kiss, spending evenings side by side. but in front of a screen… Often, when the children are gone and you are no longer working, you multiply your activities (friendly, associated, sporting …) and you relegate the couple to the background again. But the less time you live together, the less you feed the couple and the more it fades.

The problem arises during the holidays, when the children are entrusted to the grandparents…

They then take care of the grandchildren full time. This requires great vigilance and a lot of energy, and puts the couple on hold. It is necessary to establish a framework (sharing of tasks, timetables) which gives everyone the opportunity to take advantage of this holiday time.

How to revive the relationship?

When the desire fades over time and you have fewer desires (to make an effort, to seduce, to listen, to surprise, etc.), it is important to ask yourself what you want for your partner. Why not have the same requirement for him as is implemented for his family or any other activity? Try introducing parentheses (a cinema, a terrace, an exhibition, a dinner, a walk, etc.) that gently reconnect and awaken your desire. And if you dread these moments together, start with small agreements, simple things to share, over relatively short periods of time. You will thus rediscover the pleasure of being together.

You offer five keys to lasting love, but is there really a method to it?

The attention to the other, the time they share together, the cooperation, make your couple a priority: we discuss the basics of a fulfilling life together. Our goal is to create conversations in the couple, to inspire new ways of doing things, to offer tools and tips that are easy to put into practice. Each pair that is unique adds their own keys, revealed over the course of the relationship.

What should a couple always keep in mind?

To stay alive, he needs special moments. You can spend a whole day under the same roof without sharing a single moment together! Making your couple a priority means offering them real moments to share, however brief they may be.

5 tips for … renewed love:

1. Say “thank you”, “excuse me”, “I love you”

These words should be used for everyday things. “Thank you for shopping”, “for driving”… Simple and banal, these words affect those who receive them and those who formulate them. And if they are sometimes difficult to express, try the tender gesture or the supportive gaze.

2. Celebrate couple successes

We often hear that we should appreciate the other in the relationship, but we forget to compliment our partner, to congratulate them for what they have achieved. At the end of the vacation, during a move, you must recognize that the team you form is competent. Celebrating “we” means highlighting the couple’s talents and encouraging them to new projects.

3. Avoid the easy trap

Fatigue makes us simplify things and stop trying to get out of the routine. But passivity weakens our will. To initiate moments together, our allies are our motivation and our desire that we can rely on to create moments for two.

4. Reconnect with tenderness

The body is our primary form of communication. Body language is essential for conveying an emotion, arousing a desire, feeling what the other wants to tell us. And this at all times, not just during sex and foreplay.

5. Go back to the source

Where did we meet? How ? The first kiss… Let’s think back to what seduced us in each other. The memory of the beginning generates emotions and revives the feeling of love.

Read : The 5 keys to lasting love, ed. Eyrolles, 192 pages, €17.90.

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