4 tips to survive a holiday with your children

That’s it, it’s August. Many of us daronnes will find themselves spending a few weeks in the exclusive company of their brats. The line between heaven and hell is thin, and Chloé gives you some advice to make your holiday go as smoothly as possible.

Child in front of a screen, quiet evening in the restaurant

Regardless of what positive education advocates, with us it is not the children who are responsible. Nah, I’m kidding. Seriously, did you believe that? Of course, children are kings in our home. But still, we are not slack blankets and employ a principle of constitutional monarchy where we, the Darons, AKA Parliament, are responsible for making and enforcing family rules. Finally, we try. It is not easy.

EXCEPT DURING HOLIDAYS.

Personally, I go on vacation to rest, and my daughter crying because she won’t eat her broccoli, that doesn’t rest me at all. Therefore, if she lives entirely on ice cream and fries, I don’t care. While we’re at it, if she wants to use my phone to watch a suspicious adult manipulate Made in China plastic toys on YouTube while we’re having a blast, I don’t care. And if my son wants to walk around naked, wearing only rain boots (any connection to an existing situation would certainly not be coincidental), I don’t care. I don’t care about anything as long as it gives me peace of mind and family harmony. We find some semblance of order when we get home. Or not, I don’t care, I told you.

Whoever takes the aperitif will regret it sometimes

Have you ever heard of Mummy’s juice? This is what the internet has dubbed the wine that mothers drink at the end of the day to survive the terrifying hostility of their daily lives in the company of children. I fully understand the need for the process, but I don’t think drinking is the best solution in this particular case.

Attention ! I do not judge! Having only a hazy but very happy memory of my youth, I will not suddenly defend water under all circumstances. But anyway, do you know what happens when you drink alcohol? No, I’m not talking about that brief moment when life finally seems beautiful and easy. I’m talking about waking up the next morning when the gates of hell open and the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse aka Gastro, Exhaustion, Migraine and Depression. Two hours of grunts (well, parents, we know you can’t hold your alcohol any longer) are they really worth a day of hangovers with fanatics whose indifference to our misery is no match for the intensity of their howls? Do I really need to answer this question?

Small pool and baby-proof house for a peaceful summer

I live next to a leisure base, which mainly consists of a huge wading pool, the water of which is always warm. I think this information tells us about the composition of the sponge pool, that is, 20% liquid, 60% urine, 20% unidentified liquids (and the more the better).

Illustrative image of the microbe nest in question. Credit: SimplyCreativePhotography

This stagnant water point is still surrounded by parents stranded on their towels who have not followed the advice given in my previous paragraph. As Daronnie is dying, a number of children happily splash water at their heels. Even my 18 month old son can get into the broth on his own. Attention ! You should never take your eyes off your child, these little monkeys are capable of fatal accidents in a puddle. But finally, leaving the beach in favor of this… this… this… placewe give ourselves relative peace of mind and rest for our battered bodies while the children live their best lives.

I’ll let you apply the paddling pool example to the many other areas of your summer existence. Forget this beautiful villa on stilts in the water and rather think of a holiday town and foot baths. You don’t want to spend your summer chasing vitamin D-boosted creatures whose sole purpose is to lose your life in a home accident.

A cardboard immune system is rotten in any season

Of the 365 days that make up a year, the child spends around 450 sick. His immune system is the greatest hoax to rock the human era. I repeat, chronicle after chronicle, it is a miracle that our species has managed to survive until now.

Fortunately for the planet, the air conditioning installed in virtually every transport in the world should end up skinning our little treasures anyway, if the systematic pneumonia that accompanies our train journeys is to be believed. Add to that the badly frozen nuggets from the children’s menu, the many poisonous animals that live in Normandy and the only rusty nail for miles around that gets stuck in the baby’s chubby foot, the chances are that the kids will not end up in intensive care. Zero.

So before I go anywhere, even if it’s just two hours at the aforementioned wading pool, I make a list of all the surrounding health professionals, grab an intubation kit and a defibrillator, and call the nearest hospital emergency room. Some speak of prudence, or foresight, I speak of common sense.

And you, what are your tips for making your family vacation go well?


Also read:

How to spend a good holiday with friends who have children?

Photo credit image of a: OkinawaPottery

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